No Parent Left Behind

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These are real notes, supposedly written by parents, in a state school district. The state named was removed, but the spelling has been left intact.


  1. My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.

  2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.

  3. Dear School: Please ecsc’s John being absent on Jan 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

  4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

  5. Please excuse Roland from PE. For a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

  6. John has been absent be cause he had two teeth taken out of his face.

  7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

  8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

  9. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

  10. Please excuse Ray Friday from school he has very loose vowels.

  11. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarheea, and his boots leak.

  12. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

  13. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault. (Could be legit!)

  14. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don’t know what size she wear.

  15. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday we forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday. We thought it was Sunday.

  16. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

  17. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday he had a cold and could not breed well.

  18. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

  19. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

  20. Please excuse Brenda. She has been sick and under the doctor.

  21. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

  22. George was absent because he had a stomack.

  23. Ralph was sick yesterday be cause he had a sore trout.

  24. Jenny was absent yesterday because there was a flood in the street she couldn’t cross the street.

  25. Please excuse my daughter from school yesterday and PE forever because she had a very bad asthma attack running in PE because the coach made her run too much. Please excuse her from PE even though the doctor says she needs it.

  26. Diane was late on Wednesday because she fell asleep on the bus and was taken back to the bus yard.

  27. Please excuse Eric from school on May 5th through May 19th. He was waiting in line for the new Star Wars film. You will be happy to know, he got tickets for next September, when he will be missing another week of school while he waits in line for the perfect seat.